Tips for long-term lovers to keep things fresh
When you’ve been with the same partner for a long time, things can start to feel a little routine, especially when it comes to your sex life.
We’re creatures of habit who stick with what’s familiar, so it’s only natural that when we find something we enjoy, we stick with it – I mean, have you noticed you and your partner have your ‘go-to’ positions in the same location?
Have you noticed you and your partner have your ‘go-to’ positions in the same location?
Sometimes our love lives need a bit of a shake-up and this is even more true if your relationship is suffering from a dry spell in the bedroom or you’re struggling to reconnect emotionally.
Does your relationship need a sexual facelift?
You may be wondering ‘why is spicing up my sex life important to my relationship?’ While sex might not seem like a priority to you, it’s an integral part of being connected to your partner and creating a stronger bond on physical, emotional and mental levels. Sex isn’t just about doing the deed with your partner and going on with your day, it’s about being vulnerable and showing your most intimate self with the person you want to share your life with.
Sex is an integral part of being connected to your partner and creating a stronger bond
As most couples who have been together for a long time become more comfortable and relaxed with each other, they naturally fall into patterns and life gets in the way of what’s important. Whether we’re busy due to work, having kids, stressful situations, money or anything life throws our way, sex can become a low or non-existent priority on our to-do lists, when it should have a permanent position near the top.
While we’ve highlighted why sex is great for connectedness in our relationships, it’s also a great way to release stress and awaken those happy hormones – plus it makes for a fun workout.
If you haven’t tried new things lately because you’ve fallen into the same old routine, or your relationship is lacking spontaneity, it’s definitely time to mix things up. Sometimes, couples who lack in their sex life are going through a rough patch in their relationship and finding it hard to reconnect.
Ultimately, the only way you’re going to spice up your sex life is to first talk to your partner about how you feel when it comes to your intimacy levels. For starters, they might be unaware about your feelings and where you think the relationship is headed. Having open lines of communication is vital to a healthy, functioning relationship and will inevitably bring you closer together, hopefully reigniting the spark in your sex life too.
Ways to bring the fire back into your sex life
There are many ways you can bring back the spark in your relationship and it’s all dependent on how well you both respond to certain methods. While some couples only need a slight push in the right direction, others may need to flip their sex routine on its head.
Take what works for you and your partner, and remember to be open to trying new things and exploring ways to reconnect on a deeper level. If your sex life has become a little predictable or non-existent of late, there are things you can do to help create fireworks between you once again.
Be open to trying new things and exploring ways to reconnect on a deeper level
Go back to basics
Sometimes all a couple needs is to go back in time to when they first started dating to help rediscover their attraction to each other. Simply pencilling in a date night once a month is a good start, but adding things into your daily routine will help bring your intimacy into the daylight.
Make a pledge to each other that you will kiss in the morning before work and again when you reunite in the evening – this is an easy way to physically connect with your partner without having to do the deed (but do it if you can)! Other things like holding hands when you’re sitting on the couch, saying ‘I love you’ at least once a day, or sharing a long, comforting hug is sometimes all it takes to switch on your sex drive.
Set the scene
If your libido needs a little more coercing than just a date, try setting the mood before your partner gets home. Firstly get yourself in the mood by doing things that make you feel your sexiest; it could be a pamper session, putting on lingerie or reading an erotic novel.
Now get your partner ready by dimming the lights, lighting up some scented candles, playing sensual music and showing off your sexy self. If you want to get your partner on your level but you’re fresh out of ideas, getting a few fun sex games can get you both in the mood and really help amplify their sex drive to match yours.
If you can’t bring out the bells and whistles, giving your partner a sensual massage after a long week can help take the kinks out of your sex life. A simple act of touching and kissing can help ignite the fire within both of you, so you and your partner can take turns massaging and relax before your love making session.
A simple act of touching and kissing can help ignite the fire
Another great way to get you both in the mood is by building up the anticipation over the course of the day – sending each other dirty texts or nudes while at work can really get your blood pumping and itching to get home as fast as possible. You’ll be ripping each other’s clothes off as soon as you get in the door just from the sheer suspense!
Be spontaneous
We know you’ve probably heard this before, but adding an element of surprise to your sex life will really ramp up the heat! There are many ways you can add a little spontaneity to your sexual repertoire; you can do something naughty like getting completely naked as soon as you see your partner (where appropriate of course), or just book a dinner date at your favourite restaurant as a surprise.
Adding an element of surprise to your sex life will really ramp up the heat
Be spontaneous in all areas too like at a family event; rub their genitals in the car on the way to the event, or drive them crazy by trying on your new lingerie showing it off repeatedly before leaving, and if you can’t wait any longer perhaps go off for a quickie! Care to make things interesting? Why not try a wearable vibrator and have your partner handle the remote while you’re out and about – thank us later!
Foreplay all the way
Sometimes long-term couples can get in the habit of jumping right into sex and ‘getting it over with’. By taking the time to slow down with your partner, you’re adding an extra layer of intimacy and sexual tension that comes with connecting on an emotional and physical level.
Don’t take foreplay for granted. It works a treat in helping you unwind and really be in the mood for sex with your partner; sometimes making out on the couch for a while before going to the next can be a good place to start.
Remember to use your senses and really feel each other’s bodies, kiss, lick, and admire one another – it makes the lead up to sex a whole sensory experience and will create deeper, more intense orgasms when you do get there. Introduce new methods to your foreplay, whether you want to try bondage and being tied up, bring some stimulating toys into your routine, or play dress up with costumes that will bring out your inner wild thing.
It’s all about location
When it comes to routine sex, it often means we use the same positions in the same place every time we want to do the deed. By simply changing your location of where you have sex, it can make things that much more exciting! Doing it anywhere but the bedroom can help take the predictability out of your sex life – try doing it on the couch, in the car, in the shower and even on your desk *cue the desk sweep but watch out for the computer*.
Doing it anywhere but the bedroom can help take the predictability out of your sex life
Adding a new location to your sexual routine can also include adding new devices to the mix. If you’ve got somewhere you can store it, why not go for sex swings or slings that will give you both a workout and a trip to orgasm central! You’ll definitely be shaking things up and easily have the best sex life amongst your couple friends. It’ll be a lot of fun for you and your partner and it will make you want to hop on the swing on the regular.
Closing thoughts
It’s important to remember that every long term couple will go through ebbs and flows when it comes to their levels of intimacy; continue to fight for your sex life and put in the effort with each other in and out of the bedroom. Whether your sex life is suffering from lack of inspiration or you need to rekindle your affection with your partner, using these tips that work for you both will help bring your love for each other to the forefront of your relationship.
