Your Kris Kringle Sex Toy Buying Guide (2024)

It’s that time of the year where your office, friend group, or share house starts to organise a Kris Kringle to keep the costs down and maybe, just maybe, you’re thinking of having a laugh and putting a sex toy into the mix. Every year our staff get inundated with messages from friends asking what’s good, so this year we’re putting a guide together so you can all get the inside scoop. Just bear in mind that we’ve curated this list with our Black Friday Sale prices in mind – we can’t guarantee they’ll fit your budget one the sales come down.

Kris Kringle sex toy etiquette

Before you put that double ended dong in your cart, just mentally double check that the gift you’re giving is going to be received in the spirit that you’re giving it. There’s nothing worse than ruining a friendship – or your job – by giving something that’s not funny, or worse, going to be seen as cruel.

Keep it funny

Without going into how humour works, any sex toy you pick for a Kris Kringle has to be funny. This means it has to be slightly transgressive, but safe. So every pick needs to bring up a social taboo, and cross it. And it has to do that in a completely unthreatening way, or a way that is so absurd that it’s obviously not serious. Our selections have been made with this in mind. If you want the full explanation, it’s down the bottom of the article, but let’s get to the toys! One last thing to check first though.

Can you talk about sex?

If you can – and do – talk about sex and your sex lives with the people you’re Kris Kringling with, then you’re probably good to wrap up a sex toy and pop it into the mix.

Super safe Kris Kringle picks

If you can’t really talk about sex, here’s a few safe picks you can consider.

Heart Flapper Silicone Flogger

Why this works: Spanking is the lightest form of BDSM and the red heart tip of this flogger moves it away from ‘sex dungeon’ and into a love symbol/Valentine’s day space, and the dissonance between that, spanking, and ‘office Christmas gift’ should get you a good laugh. Also, since people will slap their butts as a joke anyway, this leans into to that without suggesting that the recipient is actually into any kinks. Of course, they might be and as long as it’s safe, sane and consensual, that’s awesome. But you’re not actually suggesting anything.

Evie Butterfly Necklace

Why it works: It’s nice necklace. It isn’t actually funny, it’s just a nice gift. What? You can give something genuine too. Also, if they recognise our logo, you know you’ve got someone safe to talk to.

Furry Handcuffs

Why it works: According to popular culture fuzzy handcuffs are everyone’s first foray into exploring BDSM. They’re basically a meme at this point, which makes them very inoffensive, but still that little bit taboo.

BJ Blast 3 Pack

https://www.wildsecrets.com.au/p/173608/pipedream-bj-blast-(3-pack)-strawberry-cherry-and-green-apple

Why it works: Everyone knows what blowjobs are. And this isn’t a sex toy, but an relationship aid. You’re bringing up oral sex without mentioning it, suggesting someone could have some fun, but at the end of the day it’s up to them to use the popping candy and they could just add it to ice cream or cake icing.

Of course, if you can talk about sex with the people you’re buying for, here’s some more explicit options for you to consider:

Unisex buys

Anal Gnome Butt Plug

Why it works: Yes, anal sex has gone mainstream, but there’s probably going to be enough vanilla people around that bringing it up is going to be funny. For starters, it’s not something they’re supposed to be uncomfortable about other people doing. More importantly it’s a pink gnome! Why is it a pink gnome? Any why is anyone putting a pink gnome up their butt? We don’t know, but it’s absurd enough for that to be funny. Unless you have one gay man in your office or friend group and you’re giving it to him. Then it’s homophobic, and don’t do that.

This is slightly more expensive than the average limit on an office Kris Kringle gift, so if that’s the case, consider a Birthstone Butt Plug, or one with a heart shaped base.

6” Dick In A Bag

Why this works: Do we really have to explain this? Put in a label that reads ‘Eat a bag of dicks’, and the product packaging does the rest of the work.  Like the Anal Gnome though, context matters. If you have one gay man or one woman in your group, don’t give this to them. And maybe avoid giving to a lesbian unless she’s someone who uses the phrase.

Desire Card Game

https://www.wildsecrets.com.au/p/236687/curious-candy-desire-card-game

Why it works: This is a set of intimacy cards, designed to help couples get closer together – and open up conversations about sex. It’s a little risqué, but still very safe for the office. It will need some set up though – put it in a nice box and add a note like ‘Your new bedroom helper’ over the cards, and the tension of what they suspect and what they receive should be amazing. If you want to get more over the top we have a huge range of more suggestive games you can pick up if you think you can get away with it!

Adjustable, Feathered Nipple Clamps

Why it works: Nipple stimulation is amazing, but most of us like it gentle. Or think we do because we’re too scared to find that line between pleasure and pain – and when people think nipple clamps, they usually think of clothes pegs or alligator clips, neither of which are gentle. And if at least one of your sphincters just clenched thinking about that, you know exactly what we’re talking about. These ones have vibrant decorative feathers most people wouldn’t consider wearing in public, whether or not they were into masochism, making them a great Kris Kringle gift. They also have silicone tips and adjustable pressure, so they won’t actually hurt. Unless you want them to.

If you’re after a cheaper option, you can check out these classic nipple clamps with a chain connector, a la Deadpool and Wolverine.

Kris Kringle sex toy picks for her

If you know you’re buying for a woman or vulva owner, here’s some of our suggestions. Quite a few of them go above what we’d think of as ‘Kris Kringle’ budgets, but it turns out novelty toys that work well aren’t the cheapest.

Lipstick Bullet Vibrator

Why it works: It’s a type of lipstick that you can get off with. For the best results, take it out of its packaging, charge it up and add a note that says ‘The perfect shade for your perfect smile’, and watch them wonder what the USB cable is for. And then watch their faces as they figure it out.

Single & Duo Ball Kegel Training Set

Why it works: Talking about vaginal health isn’t something we really do. Even if you can talk about sex, talking about training for better sex can be a bit more taboo – making these a perfect joke gift. Kegel exercises are also used for urinary incontinence, so if you’re in a group where you don’t say who bought what, you have the opportunity to write a note saying ‘No, it’s for the other use’ and let the hijinks ensue.

Gaia Eco Bullet

Why this works: Look, we’ll be honest, it’s not a joke gift. You could make a joke by putting a note on the outside saying what’s inside is better for the planet than most gifts, because the joke is that it’s a sex toy. This bullet vibe is made from a plant-based plastic, but it is still plastic, and whether it can be recycled or composted depends on what’s available in your area. But it’s not made from fossil fuels, and that’s a genuine plus.

Energy Ball Vibrator

Why this works: Look, legally we can’t tell you without putting our ability to bring you fun products riffing off popular Japanese cartoon shows about pocket monsters. If you know you know. And you’ll know if this will work as a gift.

Essentials Rabbit Vibrator

Why this works: Because it’s actually good. This one isn’t a joke. It’s a case of you shouldn’t be able to get a rabbit vibrator this good without spending a lot more money than most Kris Kringle budgets allow. And this one is definitely on the time sensitive end – you need to grab it during our Black Friday Sale or you’ll be paying a lot more.

Kris Kringle sex toy picks for him

There’s actually more budget friendly Kris Kringle options for men an penis owners because there’s a lot more options that are funny, interesting and don’t involve motors. Here’s just a few of them.

Rise of the Dragon Cock Ring

Why it works: It’s a dragon cock ring. Insert your best Game Of Thrones reference and call it a day.

Susie Cue Pocket Masturbator

Why it works: It’s a pool ball. And a stroker. And there’s an entire range of them to choose from. Look, a good portion of these could just be stroker that look like something else, as that’s the joke. Like a tennis ball. Or Thor’s Hammer. That’s one’s expensive for a Kris Kringle gift, but it does exist. Alternatively, you can go for something slightly more realistic in vibrant, clear pink which is it’s own different type of funny if you remove the box it comes in first.

Bulb Silicone Prostate Plug

Why it works: Prostate toys work as Kris Kringle gifts for the same reason butt plugs do – anal sex is mainstream enough that people know they shouldn’t be uncomfortable with it, but many still are. Especially straight men. The Bulb adds a deliberate layer of pacifier for people with that specific kink. If you like the idea but ABDL is a bit much for your friendship group, maybe go with the Hither Plug instead.

Romeo Stud Stroker

Why this works: It’s a hunky guy with an erection. Forget that it’s a stroker – or don’t – this little bundle of fun looks like what the Oscar’s statue gets up to at night. It’s a perfect gift for anyone in your office who likes to look at attractive, muscular men – and if there are multiple gay men in your friendship group there might just be attempts at gift stealing later…

Honourable mentions

If you’re looking for something truly unique and know that your friends or colleagues will find whatever sex toy you give them hilarious and not in any way offensive, here’s a few picks that push the boat out just a little bit more.

Bunny Tail Butt Plug

Why it’s here: There’s liking anal play, and then there’s being in situations where you want to visibly be seen wearing a but plug with a neon pink bunny tail inside your naked butt. Even the most sex positive people may never find themselves in those situations, but hey, it’s a fun one for the collection regardless.

ACDC Double Ended Dong

Why it’s here: Double ended dongs are basically a meme. But this one is made of silicone, has two different ends, and isn’t too expensive. It can be enjoyed solo, or with a friend, but honestly given its meme status it’ll just be funny watching someone open a box to see a giant black, double ended dilly.

Home-Cumming Queen Vibrating Wand

Why it’s here: The pun’s just too good, but it’s a little bit pricier than what you’d want to spend on Kris Kringle. That said, it’s a solid wand massager and if you know that ‘prom queen’ is your gal’s style, this pageant sceptre could just be a genuinely good gift.

Accommodator Face Latex Strap-on

Why it’s here: This is a gift for the ultimate sub. It’s a gag with a strap-on, so it puts the wearer right in the action of giving someone else pleasure – while making them watch, not letting them talk, and not providing them with any physical stimulation. And everyone will get that the moment they see it. If you’re giving this in a Kris Kringle, then the person you’re giving it to probably isn’t in an extreme dom/sub relationship, and everyone will know it.

Winning Tip

A lot of great Kris Kringle gifts can be picked up as a free gift with your order of $100 or more. So if you’re treating yourself, or buying something a bit more serious for your partner, you could grab something for free and tick the Kris Kringle off your to do list at the same time.

How funny works

This is the technical section about how jokes work that we mentioned above, so if you don’t want the extra detail, that’s it! Happy shopping and check out our novelties section for more ideas. There’s a lot more toys that we only have one or two in stock that would make amazing Kris Kringle gifts.

Benign violations

As we said above, jokes are funny because they’re safe and cross a norm or societal boundary. Sex toys work so well because a lot of society still sees them as taboo – and there are social, cultural, and for some people, moral norms about when you can talk about sex. Or when sex toys can be shown in public. And usually that’s never. So almost any toy can act as a violation of a taboo. Your job, as the gift selector is to make it benign – make it safe. And for the joke to be funny, both perceptions have to occur at the same time. Which makes sense, because there’s nothing less funny than explaining the joke. Which we have, sure, but we’re trying to help you pick the best gift, not make you laugh. At least, not this time. Comedy is serious business, after all.

And on that note, good luck, happy shopping, and ping us on Insta if you end up going with a fun Kris Kringle gift. We’d like to know how it went!