Dildos And Dildon’ts

Everyone’s – okay, my – favourite rom com Nobody Wants This snagged 3 Golden Globe nominations and seeing that news in passing got me stoked for Season 2. Again. Even if they didn’t win. Even with me opting out of most cis-het only media, Nobody Wants This snagged me with Kristen Bell being amazingly funny. By the time I’d played the game of ‘spot the sex toys stocked at Wild Secrets’ in episode 4, I was hooked. And disappointed that the list of dil-dos and dil-don’ts was only referenced, and never elaborated.

So I wrote one.

Dildo: Start small

“It’s too big” is probably the #1 issue our customer service team hears when it comes to dildo purchases. And when you look at pricing, it’s always tempting to think “Oh, I can afford a few more inches”. Just watch out that your eyes don’t get bigger than your openings.

When it comes to human penises, the average length is 5-6”. So start with that. Yes you’ve seen bigger on adult media, but those are fantasies for a reason. Most people  can’t take them easily.

 

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Dil-don’t: Go up your butt without a flared base

If you’re looking for a dildo for anal play, make sure it has a flared base. Your butt will try to pull toys inside of it, and once it’s in, you may find yourself in the emergency department. Or worse, have your X-rays immortalised on the internet forever. A good start is shopping in our Anal category, and checking the features section for mentions of a flared base.

Read more: 10 things I wish I’d known about anal sex.

Dildo: Check for girth

Fun fact, I once bought an NSNovelties silicone dildo from a online store that wasn’t Wild Secrets. Not naming names, but they said the girth was 2”. They meant diameter. The girth was really closer to 6”, and I that’s… not a fun everyday dildo for me. For reference, Girthmasterr is 7” around. There’s a reason Wild Secrets lists width and girth separately on insertable toys, and if you’re shopping elsewhere, make sure that shop cares enough to differentiate.

Your hole will thank you.

Dildo: Get lube

You’d be amazed how quickly you run out of lube, and the bigger the dildo you’re getting, the more lube you need. A good, large volume bottle of water-based lube is a must, especially if you’re buying silicone or TPE toys. If you want something thicker, try a gel, or a hybrid lube. You can also try a more expensive water-based option.

In case you didn’t know water-based lubes are a dry powder mixed with water – the more water that gets mixed in, the cheaper the lube is to make and the thinner it is. So sometimes the difference in price you see can reflect how lubricating the lube is going to be for you. And you may want to try a different brand to see if you notice a difference and find the one that works for you.

Dil-don’t: Use silicone lube with silicone or TPE dildos

Silicone lube is marketed as being smoother, longer lasting, and never going tacky. It is all those things – as well as being great for shower sex – but it’s not great for your silicone and TPE dildos. Silicone lubes will cause TPE and a lot of the plush, sex toy silicones to break down, degrading the texture of the toy and shortening its lifespan.

In theory it should be safe to use on medical grade silicone, but a lot of people prefer the texture and feel of non-medical grade silicones, so we’re not seeing as many on the market right now. To be safe, just dil-don’t.

Dildo: Try a glass dildo

Glass dildos get overlooked because they’re expensive, people worry they’ll shatter, and if you’re going to pay extra, why not get a vibrator? And truthfully even after I learnt they were made from shatter-resistant borosilicate glass – i.e. the same stuff as Pyrex dishes – I still avoided them because I didn’t know if they were worth it.

Then I got one and it totally is. You’ll find it hits all your spots much more intensely because it doesn’t have any flex or give. So when it thrusts, you really feel it. It’s totally different from vibration and you don’t have to charge it. You may find you like one or the other more, but try both rather than defaulting to buying a super expensive vibrating sex toy.

Community tip: Clean your toys before and after use

Okay, this one came from the Wild Secrets social post on this topic, and it’s not a bad tip – but needs nuance. Sex toy companies love this tip because it is best practice. And it makes you use more toy cleaner. In the real world, it’s often more for peace of mind. It also depends on how you store your toys. If you store your toys properly – in a cool, dark place in separate bags or boxes once they’ve fully dried – you probably don’t need to clean all your toys before use. If you leave them out in the open and they’re covered in dust or little pieces of particulate from every toilet flush (regardless of whether you close the lid or not)… yeah. Do it.

The TPE exception

If you’re buying TPE toys, you may find that they get tacky or sticky over time. This is when you absolutely want to clean them before use. And afterwards, obviously. Some toy renew powder – or cornstarch – sprinkled on after it’s cleaned and dried after use will help prevent tackiness.

Basically, if it’s made from a porous material, cleaning before and after is a good idea. If not, use your best judgement, but definitely clean your toys after use.

Dildo: Have fun!

Regardless of everything on this list, make sure you’re having fun? If you aren’t, maybe dildos aren’t for you. If you are, keep going, and hopefully this list helps you be a little better informed so that you can enjoy worry-free play.

And if you haven’t binged Nobody Wants This yet, give it a try. If you loved The Good Place you’ll have a great time.